As you get older your bodily functions and your brain start to slow down. I guess it's a way of preparing for retirement! Just as Einstein might have confirmed, this drop off in pace is relative. As the body slows, so all around it seems faster. Children run around like sparrows flitting from bough to bough. Cars, hours, trains and days move along ever faster.

Now, although I'm only in my middle age, a curious things has started to happen. Perhaps I'm going completely ga-ga, but as the years have passed, there are certain things that have not speeded up at all - in fact they have slowed down. I am referring to anything electronic.

Back in the last millennium, I used to have a Dos-based personal computer. When you switched it on, it just came on. OK the only software that loaded was the on-board dos (disc operating system) program, but loading a spreadsheet from a floppy disc would only take a few seconds - and I was up and running. Nowadays my PC needs plenty of notice. I press the button and then go and make a coffee. I think this should be mandatory. The PCs should be programmed so that, as soon as you press the "on" button, it emits the message: "now go and make yourself some sweet coffee" (on 2nd thoughts, that could add another 2 minutes to its start-up time, so forget it). Oh, and what about my printer? What happened there? That's even worse. Printing the first document of the day is a major event. I am inclined to invite the neighbours round for tea and cakes and have a little printer-starting party while we wait.

This problem is not just confined to my computer. My TV seems to take forever to get started. Even my radio takes longer to turn on than it used to. Down at my local grocery store, passing products through the checkout seems to take longer as well. When I pay by credit card, sometimes a whole queue of shoppers is held up while the system calls up the bank for authorisation (perhaps it's just me - perhaps I have a guilty face).

Have I mentioned the car yet? No? Well this is another victim of progress. I used to turn a key and it would simply start. Nowadays a multitude of on-board systems are activated and I am asked to "wait please" by a friendly voice.

Yes I am being simplistic - yes I know that some of these gadgets can do a lot more than they used to. However, am I being completely unreasonable? I still do the same things with my work PC as I did 30 years ago. I use the same basic functions: word processor, spreadsheet and database. I know it's boring, but that's all I want and all I have ever wanted, so the extra overhead today's PCs carry is largely wasted on me, I'm afraid. Admittedly I have a PC for home use on which I play music or watch DVDs, but I was perfectly able to listen to music on CDs before my all-singing and dancing PC came alone (or cassettes and vinyl if we go back far enough). I could also watch films on video.

OK, so I've probably gone too far and left my argument a little unbalanced. I'll draw back a little. I'll accept PCs with all the graphics, security checks and other gizmos. I'll also accept cars, radios, cameras and TVs with on-board micro-chips that are designed to add to my experience of these devices. But please please, can someone work on the problem of making them work as soon as you turn them on - just like in the old days before progress came and slowed everything down.

There are some electrical things that still work right away - as soon as they are plugged in. For example, electric lights...unless, of course, you use the long-life bulbs. Ah, I've just thought of one: the kettle. That surely comes on as soon as you plug it in, doesn't it? And there is something else: one product that performs better than ever and still comes on as soon as it's plugged in - and that is our very own Insectocutor Fly Killer Unit. Insectocutor have been manufacturing fly killer machines since the 1960's. They are robust and built to last. They work by attracting flies using a uv bulb. The flies are then killed by coming into contact with an electrified grid or a very strong glue board. For example, the IND41 is an industrial fly killer that can cover a range of 350 square metres. The good news is that Insectocutor make them and the television and PC manufacturers do not. You can just imagine the flies queuing up to get killed, kind of circling around the room in airport stack style, while the machine takes its time to warm up, saying "go and help yourself to some sweet coffee".