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Index » Fashion & Relationships » Gender & Sexuality
 

Sex and Self Esteem

 
Author: Iris Emery
 

Now if theres one thing that's essential for feeling sexy, it's self esteem. Without a feeling of confidence and a positive self-image, it's a pretty safe bet you wont be in the mood. But what exactly is self-esteem, how does it affect your sex life, and how do you go about getting it? Read on

Self esteem explained

Having self esteem doesnt mean being big-headed or arrogant. In fact, the people that act like they have giant egos are usually trying to cover up a deep seated feeling of worthlessness. Real self-esteem means feeling at home with yourself, physically and emotionally. That means accepting and loving your body, knowing that your thoughts and feelings are valid, and forgiving yourself when you make mistakes.

Self esteem and your sex life

A very common problem is a poor body image. Women are often particularly affected by this faced with hundreds of images of perfect bodies and models, they feel that their body doesnt measure up to the airbrushed ideal. Men, too, can fall prey to the body-worry demons how many men obsess over the size of their penis, or their missing six-pack? Not surprisingly, if youre feeling less than good about your body you wont be over the moon about getting naked with someone. Emotionally, if your self-esteem is low youre unlikely to be feeling that horny anyway which is a shame because sex is a great way to release endorphins and boost your mood!

Building your self-esteem

In the bedroom, are you holding back because of body worries? Most people find a fun and confident partner is far sexier than a supermodel-like figure. We can all admire good looking people. But remember that a hundred years ago cellulite was a mark of beauty, and in Michelangelo's day, a small penis was highly desirable! Rather than shying away from looking at yourself, stand naked in front of a mirror. Now, instead of criticising yourself, describe your body as though you were describing a good friends. Dont focus on the bits you dont like and dont use negative terms. Is it really the end of the world if you have a big behind?

How is your partner around your body? If they are critical, perhaps they dont understand how hurtful this can be. However, if you yourself dont love your body its a lot to ask for a partner to do so. Instead of keeping the lights off and ignoring the issue, why not ask your lover for their top three parts of your body (ruling out the obvious one!). You might be pleasantly surprised by what they notice about your body.

Remember too that there is more to you than a body be thankful for your health and personality. Focus on the things that make you feel good whether thats treating yourself to a hot bath or a massage or taking up some exercise.

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