I arrived at work that night as always: rushed, tired, frustrated, like most of us seem to be these days. I took it for granted that it would be just another night at work; that nothing would change, that everyone and everything, was fine. But I quickly learned everything wasn't fine.

When I got to work, I was told some shocking news. But even more shocking to me, no... appalling to me, was the fact that given what had happened, no one seemed affected in the least by it. Sure, life goes on. We all know that. People were laughing and joking; people were carrying on as if they had not a care in the world, as if nothing had happened. I don't fault them for that, not at all. I'm all for the fun side of life. It helps greatly to take away the pressures we constantly face. But surely they would have felt sadness, even for a brief moment? Maybe they would have had an even passing reflection upon their own lives?

No, it seemed not. Why is that? And why did what I learned affect me so tremendously?

Sure, I was at work; I had a job to do, and life was going on, but my attitude was rather subdued. I had a lot on my mind, and I found myself getting annoyed every time I was needed, because my thoughts, I felt, were being intruded upon. I had to take some time to come to terms with what happened.

It further annoyed me for some reason that no one else felt as I did. I wondered why.

But then I thought, why should that bother me? Surely no one else thinks about what may or may not be going through my head. Seldom does anyone ask me what I'm thinking. I kind of like it that way. But then again, therein lies an ugly truth about the human race.

Seldom does anyone ask what is going on in someone else's head. We're so preoccupied with our own lives that we rarely have time for anyone else. And that makes us appear as if we are cold, and unfeeling, and uncaring. Granted, some persons are that way, and there will always be some people like that. But the people I work with have feelings. They laugh, they grumble, they raise their voices at times; in short, they are capable of feeling something. But not empathy?

Not empathy for the life of a man that was cut short, albeit, of his own hand, but who is gone, nonetheless, because no one took the time to show him they cared enough about him to reach out to him.

I'm not immune to my own words. I'm not leaving myself out of the equation. I could make excuses for myself, sure, such as, I didn't know him well enough, which is bull because I've reached out to total strangers before, as have many people I know.

Maybe I felt he was unapproachable.

Or maybe he hid it so well that we might have one day gone to him for help, because he looked strong; he looked as if he had the world by its reins.

Whatever... Who knows. But it's a hard lesson learned, yet again. For me, and maybe for someone else. It can happen to anyone.

This man was one of the last people I'd ever dreamed that would take his own life. It's so easy to take life for granted. It's so easy to let your problems go unheeded; to allow them to continue to simmer on a backburner in a corner of your mind while the rest of your being comes to a slow boil, thus ending in the inevitable explosion. And that explosion can come in any form.

Why do we let it go to that extreme? Why don't we, as individuals, deal with what we have as we get it? My God, it would greatly reduce and/or eliminate so much stress, so much sadness, hurt, anger, rage and everything that comes with those emotions.

When we reach our limits, our boiling point, so to speak, there's no telling what the outcome will be. We don't even know till the deed is done, and most times, it's too late for help. We have destroyed ourselves, and countless others. In reaching out to ourselves, we can also reach out to others who might need our help.

It's not selfish to take care of you first; we all have that right, and yes, the responsibility. The responsibility of self. In doing that, only then can we reach out to others. What is selfish is to continue to let your problems and worries go unheeded only to finally answer that call with a result that goes way beyond desirable. All that can result from reaching that boiling point is more pain for others.

But we can reverse this trend.

Simply put, take care of yourself. You're the only one of you that you have. The only one of you that anyone has.

We all need to learn to take care of ourselves and each other.

Somewhere along the line, a lot of our humanity has been lost. It's time to get it back. And we can.

Everything takes work. Including working on ourselves. The results can only be positive.

Not only for us, but for those who care about us.

*IN MEMORY OF GASTEN HOWELL* JULY 25 1940-MARCH 28 2001