Consider this. Your life is always being shaped by something. If that's the case--and for the moment I'm asking you to consider that it is--then what shapes our lives before we're clear about what our true life purpose is?

If you look at the world I believe you'll agree that most of our lives are not being shaped by God's Universal Unconditional Love, a bold vision of what's possible, our core values, or the essence of who we are.

So what is this second shaping force? It begins forming in the early years of our lives, what the old Wonder Bread commercials used to call the "formative years." Of course, many things influence our early lives, including our parents, siblings, teachers, where we grow up, socioeconomic status, family's religion, and the media, to name just a few. Actually, it's our response or reaction to all these factors that begins to shape our lives as we're growing up. I call this shaping force the "inherited purpose."

Here's an example of how an inherited purpose forms. On May 6, 1957 Orrin Swift, better known by his friends as "Swifty," wrote the following note to his wife, Pattie, on the way out the door on a fishing trip:

If I catch too many fish I'll come home and clean them for supper. Don't worry, most likely I'll catch everything but fish. I love you.

Swifty

A little over 48 hours later, his body was pulled from Long Pond in Freetown, Massachusetts. A heart attack had killed him less than two weeks before my eighth birthday. My life was tossed topsy-turvy. Not only had I lost my dad, he hadn't planned to die at 43, so he left us with no insurance to speak of and no real savings.

We sold the house in Massachusetts and moved to North Carolina where my mother's family could help her raise two sons. One of my most vivid memories from that time is of my mother sitting at her little desk in the corner of the living room of our much smaller home, muttering about how there were too many bills and not enough money. I didn't realize it at the time, but those overheard conversations contributed significantly to my inherited purpose being formed: "I must be smart and know all the answers or pretend that I do, and I must work really hard to get ahead so I won't be poor and so people won't leave me."

That became the major shaping force of my life for the next 35 years, eventually leading me to contemplating suicide on the bathroom floor. I had worked hard, depended on my intelligence, and avoided poverty. But somehow in the process I'd managed to drive away most of the people in my life. Most importantly, missing from my life was any sense of satisfaction, fulfillment, or meaning.

2003 Brad Swift of Life On Purpose Institute, Inc. This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included.