Recently, a young woman who, in preparation for giving a 90 minute seminar at a regional conference on a rather dry and technical topic, asked a group of us to preview her seminar. She told us that we were to give her honest critiques along with any tips on ways she could improve her presentation.

The group of people gave her many suggestions and comments-- some laudatory, but more on how to change her program and delivery. A few weeks later, she presented her updated presentation at another meeting I attended. I was delighted to observe that she had incorporated the suggestions, erased her distracting habits, enlivened her topic and achieved a powerful, useful and interesting presentation.

As so few tend to do, she had listened to us, taken our feedback and used it to her advantage. In this article I investigate the various ways to receive feedback and then take advantage of the parts you can use.

The first step is to ask the right person and/or people for feedback.

• When we choose the person and/or people we want to give us feedback, we should look for those whom we trust and respect, those who have enough experience to give us useful suggestions and then tell them what we expect and want from them.

• I feel that asking for honest feedback is one of the hardest tasks we can perform. There is always the fear of harsh criticism -- which none of us welcome -- and finding out that we are not as good as we think we are or want to be.

• I give the young woman I described in the first paragraph a lot of credit, not only for asking for our critiques, but also for being willing to follow our suggestions.

• She made us all comfortable about being honest and constructive in our feedback.

• Most of the group knows her well, has heard her present before and wants her to succeed.

• She told us she wanted us to be "tough" and she meant it.,

• We all shared and learned from the feedback ourselves and were proud when we witnessed her follow-up presentation.

When we receive feedback, whether asked for or not, we must decide what is valid and useful. I am happy to give feedback when asked by someone like the young woman in this article, who is serious about improving and knows me well enough to trust me -- she visits my presentation site often, so knows my opinions.

So, remember, ask for feedback only when you want it and plan to use it. Pick your evaluators wisely and thank them by improving. Then, they will know that they haven't wasted their time and expertise, and they will be proud as we were of our collegue. She put the feedback to advantage and reached a whole new plateau in her presentation skills.