The pre-Boomers and Boomers are taking over! By 2014 there will be more older people than younger people. Now is the time for every woman past 50 to think about how to create an agenda for what Abigail Trafford calls the bonus decades.

Midlife transition - crisis or adventure?

Many researchers focus on midlife as a period of loss, citing looks, reproductive capacity, physical strength, economic status, security, social network. They report that many women feel set adrift, unable to develop a new game plan. Disturbing questions often begin to bubble up: "Is this all there is? What's missing? What's next? Where do I go from here? Why haven't I found my passion by now? Is it too late for me?"

Researchers also tell us that mental well-being, as opposed to depression, is linked to life satisfaction. For some women, well-being is linked to the ability to successfully manage multiple roles through most of their pre-midlife adulthood (and for some well into midlife). Jennifer Reid and Melissa Hardy remind us that because the roles that women occupy depend, in part, on age and family structure, roles common to women of one age may be much less common and, perhaps, much less enjoyable for women of different ages. Yet, increasingly, women may find themselves caring for parents, children, and even grandchildren all at a time in life when they might expect to finally be freed from the caretaker role. For some this may be a hardship; for others, wishing to avoid the empty nest syndrome, it may be a gift.

Work may also raise negative issues for some. Structural barriers related to gender are still common in the workplace. In addition, women must contend with ever-present visual images of young women as the ideal and ads promising youthful looks forever. We are caught up in our tendency to accept culture-bound beliefs about women without being open to any possible alternative beliefs. This creates a climate where it is all to easy for women to see themselves as worthless and useless at midlife. According to Maggi G Saucier, author of Midlife and Beyond: Issues for Aging Women, problems related to a woman's realization that she no longer conforms to society's standards of youth and beauty may include low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.

Yet, it is also possible to focus on midlife as a period of great gains. Wisdom, freedom from putting the needs of others first, independence, new social networks, and great strength and capacity are all possibilities. Midlife need not mean the end of the line; retreat into retirement; being tossed to the side of the road. This is the opportunity for reinvention in unprecedented ways. Whether midlife signals the deepening and enrichment of the activities of adulthood or creating a whole new script, it is a time when women can shape their lives without all of the "shoulds" that may have constrained them earlier.

Gene Cohen, M.D., PH.D., outlines the roots of the perspective that midlife is the beginning of a long, downhill slide. He quotes Freud as saying that "About the age of 50 the elasticity of the mental processes on which treatment depends is, as a rule, lacking. Old people are no longer educable." Although Freud was 51 when he wrote this, much of his best work was completed past his 65th birthday. Cohen tells us that Piaget and Erikson had similarly short-sighted views. Early theories of intelligence insisted that intelligence peaked in the 30's.

Cohen's research revealed that, in fact, as we get older, we have the potential to get better. He found that, with age, our brains "grow wiser and more flexible; they also tend toward greater equanimity." He also found that "studies suggest that the brain's left and right hemispheres become better integrated during middle age, making way for greater creativity."

What is midlife transition?

Midlife is a normal developmental life stage. It can be a positive and mindful process of exploring the person you will be for your second adulthood. It cannot be avoided. Live long enough it's as inevitable as was adolescence. You may experience loss, change, and letting go of much of what you bring into midlife, but you may also experience exhilaration and freedom from the past. Prepare and pay attention and you can complete this journey with a minimal amount of struggle.

In the first half of life you develop one idea of who you think you are. You then live out that identity until you find that it will no longer work. You may have become a one-sided person with significant underdeveloped potential that is calling for expression. As you move through midlife transition, the intentions of the first phase may be in sharp contrast to the intentions of the second phase. At midlife, you focus on becoming who you were meant to be rather than who you think others want you to be. You examine and evaluate every aspect of your life and search for deeper meaning. At midlife, you focus on becoming who you were meant to be rather than who you think others want you to be. You examine and evaluate every aspect of your life and search for deeper meaning.

The midlife experience provides an opening to psychological and spiritual growth that allows and empowers a giving back to others and to the wider community. However, you generally don't take this journey without a certain amount of struggle - loss, change, and letting go of much of what you bring into midlife. You are born into the world whole and complete. This is the psychological reality for all of us. Think about the freedom of young children. They are happy, eager, exploring individuals, not easily constrained by the opinions or wishes of others. We all once lived in that wholeness. Our psychological reality is also that this wholeness was lost and we want to get it back. The psychological and spiritual journey of life is that of regaining the wholeness we once knew.

The psychological and spiritual journey to wholeness has two broad phases. The two halves of life have different agendas. The first half of life focuses on the development of a personality and building a sense of yourself which is the ego. This phase of life involves differentiation of skills and abilities so you can be all that you can be. The second half of life involves integration or the pulling of all the disparate parts back together to make a unified whole. The passageway of midlife joins the first and the second halves of life. Midlife is the place of transition and transformation that is trying to aid you in your growth towards someplace positive.

As we move through the process of exploration and change at midlife, then, the intentions of the first phase may be in sharp contrast to the intentions of the second phase. Carl Jung identified five main phases of this midlife transition:

1. Accommodation involves meeting others' expectations. It is what takes place in the first part of life, as we center our identity, to a large extent, around what others want us to be - parents, spouse, society in general - and is the context in which midlife processes take place.

2. Separation occurs when we reject the accommodated self and decide that there must be other ways to exist in the world and when we begin to entertain the possibility that we might want to live our lives to please ourselves.

3. Liminality is a period of uncertainty, where life seems directionless and meanders. We have put aside the old norms and rules, but don't yet have anything to replace them. We are experimenting, searching, and exploring. This can be a scary time, and some will retreat to their old lives, even if they are dissatisfied.

4. Reintegration involves working out 'who I am' and becoming comfortable with that identity. This may mean that revising or dropping old roles for new. It may mean deciding that these roles should be expanded or deepened. It may mean becoming comfortable with new roles.

5. Individuation in some ways is part of the reintegration process. This phase involves facing up to and accepting the undesirable aspects of our own character. It is only in accepting all parts of ourselves that we can become whole and complete.

Creating successful midlife transitions

Mindfulness and planning are the hallmarks of successful midlife transition. Karen Sands, an expert at facilitating midlife transition, says, "Finding the path to self-actualization and fulfillment involves understanding who you are and what you want, and that's easier said than done. Yet, having facilitated thousands of people through this transition over the last 30 years, I can assure you that if you focus on living consciously, you will find your path and you will find fulfillment."

"Women can be guided to begin to think of midlife as a time for reevaluation, not crisis. They should be encouraged to become more realistic and to reappraise their goals and their ability to meet them," says Janet Mackin. At midlife, women may need reevaluate their roles, consolidating, dropping, adding. For some, the primary goal may be to make up for lost time by adding activities; for others the focus may be on lightening the load for the rest of the journey. Increased self-esteem should go hand-in-hand with the establishment of an identity defined by who you are, not who you serve.

Most program recommendations combine networking, self-exploration, and experimentation. Shirley B Huffman and Jane E Myers, in an article on menopause and midlife, suggest a seven-phase process: education to provide a broader field in which to interpret experiences; becoming informed on the biomedical issues; self-assessment; engaging in dialogue and definition; using resources and creating a plan; implementing the plan; and reevaluation and adjustments. In my own work with women at midlife, I find that a combination of dialogue, self-exploration, self-reflection, peer support and active experimentation creates a safe environment and provides all the tools necessary to smoothly negotiate midlife transition. I call this process Mapping Midlife.

Seven Key decisions

Because midlife usually involves redefining purpose, the first key decision is legacy. The answer to this question most often sets the parameters for each subsequent question. What do you hope to leave the world? How do you want to be remembered? The answers to these questions shape decisions about activities, choice of surroundings, and selection of creative outlets. Within the context of legacy, the second key decision has to do with meaningful work. As more people enter the workforce late or retire early, it is important to examine the role work will play in second adulthood and also to examine what work is. Many may find that part-time employment, volunteering or some form of entrepreneurship are intriguing options. Some may launch new careers.

As we age, our family and social structures change. The next two decisions address this shift. As parents and children age, responsibilities change. For some, this means coping with being the filling in the family sandwich. For others, this means dealing with separation and loss. For those who have not had children, as well as for those with grown children, new ways to nurture - from being the "fun" aunt to fostering pets - emerge. As friendship patterns shift, we are faced with finding new relationships or finding alternate ways to maintain the old ones.

The next two questions address nurturing the self. Part of remaining vibrant is finding outlets for creative expression - from writing to visual arts, from crafts to culinary excellence. As you encourage your mind to grow, so too should you find ways to nurture your spirit. This decision may involve becoming more involved in the religion of your childhood or exploring other forms of spirituality. It may mean going to a house of worship or communing with nature - or both.

Finally, surroundings become increasingly important as we age. Finding the right surroundings may be crucial to your ability to implement the other six decisions and may also encompass considerations not on the list. Who do you want to be near? How will you access the things you need, perhaps including health care or support services?

How can we make midlife transitions enlivening and enriching? Programs like Mapping Midlife create a clear, individualized action plan for women at midlife. Programs that pose provocative questions involve participants in self-assessment, exploration, and reflection. While these issues could be addressed by women reading a book or completing a workbook, the addition of a support group provides a safe environment in which to explore, reflect, and test assumptions. The group also provides an opportunity for brainstorming and the synergy of collective intelligence.

Beyond Midlife

Midlife may be just the beginning. As we age, we continue to grow and change. Cohen identified four distinct developmental phases that unfold in overlapping 20-year periods beginning in a person's early 40s. These are:

Midlife re-evaluation (typically encountered between 40 and 65) - setting new goals and priorities

Liberation (55 to 75) - shedding past inhibitions to express ourselves more freely

Summing-up (65 to 85) - reviewing our lives and concentrating on giving back

Encore (75 and beyond) - finding affirmation and fellowship in the face of adversity and loss.

As Boomers and those pre-Boomers on the cusp are demonstrating, it is probable that more women in the future will follow the paths of Grandma Moses or Eleanor Roosevelt or Mother Theresa and countless less famous examples. They will remain vital and productive for decades to come. Some of them will just be getting started at 50 or 60 or 70. As the numbers at midlife and beyond grow, anything is possible! It's time to reinvent midlife as an adventure.